About plaguer : Part time barista, tattoo parlor rest of the time. My dog's name is Bowser.
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plaguer's favorite FMLs
Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML
by Urinator / 09/16/2015 at 2:26pm / United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross) / Animals
by Queen LaQueefah / 09/13/2015 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy
Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML
by princeronron / 09/07/2015 at 10:02pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by clutzirella / 08/07/2015 at 2:32am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by pudh / 08/05/2015 at 7:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
by funnnyyyyy -_- / 08/01/2015 at 4:29am / Nepal / Animals
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by dirtbikeguy / 07/23/2015 at 9:05am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML
by Skoff / 07/23/2015 at 5:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML
by Julianapilikusplatosophophes / 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML
by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML
by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by Swabidizop / 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous