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plaguer
  • Town/Country : Sweden
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 March 1993 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 3272
  • Number of comments : 168
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About plaguer : Red haired metal head gore whore video game girl. I make coffee and sell books for a living. You can kik me if you think you can beat me at Mario. Same username.

plaguer's last visitors

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plaguer's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of plaguer's badges

plaguer's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54949) - you deserved it (3881)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61850) - you deserved it (2810)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

#20730236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38070) - you deserved it (10809)

On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45989) - you deserved it (3801)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61560) - you deserved it (13914)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (3771)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

#20683274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31828) - you deserved it (3899)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

#20673285
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38889) - you deserved it (3198)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48092) - you deserved it (5163)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48041) - you deserved it (6804)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43063) - you deserved it (10544)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58164) - you deserved it (8823)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49229) - you deserved it (6922)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31111) - you deserved it (105799)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43671) - you deserved it (19355)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)



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