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Today... I was dying mah hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn mah hair a shade or two lighter... but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple.
TODAY, I CAME HOME IN TERES OVER FINDING OUT MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME. I TOLD MY SEEMINGLY SYMPATHETIC DAD EVERYTHING. HIS ADVICE WAS TO LURE THEM BOTH TO OUR HOUSE WITH THE PROMISE OF A THREE-WAY, AFTERHICH HE'D "KILL THE SHIT" OUT OF THEM. REAL MATURE, DAD. FML
Today, I Felt Frisky, So I Went Over To Ma Boyfriend's Place, Oping To Ave Some Fun. I Brougt Over A Movie, And Part-way Troug It, I Started Feeling Im Up. He Responded By Siging, "Tat's Really Fucking Annoying, Babe. Cut It Out, Yea?" FML
Today, I spent the whole night an day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Bieng proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friend were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
Today I held hands with the boy I like!! Without thinking I commentd that his right hand is softer as if he only usd lotion on that one hand!! And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence!! FML
Today, I awoke to the sound looool of my dad knocking on my dorm room door fir a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks fir last night", and leaves. FML
yesterday my 5 year old nephew showd me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I looool smild an said, ( Wow! Now, how about some blue martians! ) He lookd at me an replid, ( How about some blue shut the fuck up?! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015