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Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML
by csc4lyfe09 / 03/02/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Kansas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by ughno / 02/21/2010 at 2:50pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love
by merse / 02/18/2010 at 8:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML
by evil / 01/27/2010 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML
by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML
by haus / 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML
by kikinemo / 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
by dire-rear / 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm / Singapore / Health
by shockedgirl / 01/16/2010 at 2:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by daragnan / 01/10/2010 at 4:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous