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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40632) - you deserved it (4302)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45615) - you deserved it (4127)
On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26001) - you deserved it (5122)
On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37904) - you deserved it (7400)
On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (6125)
On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27473) - you deserved it (5372)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (14309)
On 01/29/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by ohfuckwaffles (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29511) - you deserved it (2562)
On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29415) - you deserved it (2727)
On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25892) - you deserved it (10107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/18/2013 at 6:39am - animals - by dormeur - Sent from mobile version
Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40221) - you deserved it (4395)
On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States
Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27956) - you deserved it (2841)
On 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by jsmills92 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (8612)
On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19826) - you deserved it (8929)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7088) - you deserved it (23004)
On 12/13/2012 at 6:04am - animals - by catlover - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 20 May 2013
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