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Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you totally deserved it (1423)
On 01/04/2010 at 8:34am - health - by Soresack (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36471) - you totally deserved it (10482)
On 08/06/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said,"This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33643) - you totally deserved it (7444)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by embarrassed (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42359) - you totally deserved it (2706)
On 06/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)
Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8349) - you totally deserved it (30050)
On 05/22/2009 at 8:12pm - misc - by Erin (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11037) - you totally deserved it (34736)
On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States
Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52968) - you totally deserved it (1970)
On 04/09/2009 at 5:44pm - kids - by Tim (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26670) - you totally deserved it (64178)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23911) - you totally deserved it (53464)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm - kids - by heytherexo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45483) - you totally deserved it (8290)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today I was at my job as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. My boss told me that I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before they could clock in. Kris is a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50162) - you totally deserved it (1304)
On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50176) - you totally deserved it (15775)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16549) - you totally deserved it (455)
On 02/01/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by leez - United States (Virginia)
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