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person961's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm / Ireland (Kilkenny) / Intimacy
Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML
by mister_pinky / 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by watch_corn_dance / 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML
by systematicpanic / 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work
by sistermonster / 02/26/2014 at 4:45am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
by Katie / 10/09/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML
by raesos91 / 09/18/2012 at 7:56am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by thanksfamily / 09/18/2012 at 7:22am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML
by twinkletoes / 09/17/2012 at 2:32am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML
by jcedarholm / 09/13/2012 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Work
Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
by wetandnaked / 07/09/2012 at 3:06am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/27/2012 at 11:24am / United States / Love
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…