perfectflower

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perfectflower

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2199
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About perfectflower : Got any questions just ask I'm complicated I was and still am a belly dancer but I'm Hawaiian and I'm making my way through the medical field

perfectflower's page activity

Visits<b>firefighter925</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 3:44pm<b>BL00DFLAME</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 2:52pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:06am<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 02/16/2013 at 7:40pm<b>damnangie</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 10:49am<b>Kyot3</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:16am<b>LadyMagdalyn</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 6:16am<b>Sun_Kissed18</b> - the 02/04/2013 at 10:54pm<b>UberNova</b> - the 01/19/2013 at 10:26pm

perfectflower's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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perfectflower's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

by Wannabees / 04/03/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

by amythest / 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 12:31am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

by LaLa / 01/09/2012 at 12:01am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

by neednewdeoderant / 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

by ohdear / 10/31/2011 at 11:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

by thefrightening1 / 09/05/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

by May / 09/04/2011 at 12:08am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Work