Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About perfectflower : Got any questions just ask I'm complicated I was and still am a belly dancer but I'm Hawaiian and I'm making my way through the medical field
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, I decidd to spray tan myself . Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did . Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two bighite stripes on the back of my thighs . FML
My Boyfriend Told Me That He'd Never Made A Girl Orgasm. I Didn't Think Much Of It Until He Decidd To Go Down On Me. Every Time He Got Me Close To Orgasm, He'd Stop And Ask, "Are You About To Come?" Or "Does That Feel Good?" Now I Can Seehy He's Never Made A Girl Orgasm. FML
Today... even though she can barely deal with raising kids... mah 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy... by a fourth man... of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
Today, I Was Wit Ma Boyfriend, An We Startd To Get A Little Kinky!! He Laid Me Down Rougly On Te Bd, But I Startd To Slide Off, So I Pulld Myself Up!! In Doing So, I Managd To Knee Im In Te Nut-sack, Causing Im To Puke!! Big Fat FML
I walkd into my bathroom to fine my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
yesterday as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid . Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him . FML
today mah girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
Today, I went over to mah friend's house . We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away . Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto mah knee . I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on mah boner . FML
Friday 27 March 2015