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About perfectflower : Got any questions just ask I'm complicated I was and still am a belly dancer but I'm Hawaiian and I'm making my way through the medical field
Hard at Work
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Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML
Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML
Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML
Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML
Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML
Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
Friday 5 February 2016