perfectflower

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perfectflower

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1796
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About perfectflower : Got any questions just ask I'm complicated I was and still am a belly dancer but I'm Hawaiian and I'm making my way through the medical field

perfectflower's page activity

Visits<b>firefighter925</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 3:44pm<b>BL00DFLAME</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 2:52pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:06am<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 02/16/2013 at 7:40pm<b>damnangie</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 10:49am<b>Kyot3</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:16am<b>LadyMagdalyn</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 6:16am<b>Sun_Kissed18</b> - the 02/04/2013 at 10:54pm<b>UberNova</b> - the 01/19/2013 at 10:26pm

perfectflower's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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perfectflower's favorite FMLs

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2012 at 1:26pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

by fuck yuo / 09/01/2012 at 4:50pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

by pride? what's that? :( / 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

by blue / 08/25/2012 at 5:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Health

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

by murphy22 / 08/24/2012 at 5:33am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

by Rotarius / 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

by fet / 08/23/2012 at 10:30am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 10:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

by hmmmm / 08/13/2012 at 8:19am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

by kaitlyna15 / 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 6:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

by ambushcat / 07/05/2012 at 11:31pm / United States / Animals