perfectflower

Search for a member

perfectflower

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1820
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About perfectflower : Got any questions just ask I'm complicated I was and still am a belly dancer but I'm Hawaiian and I'm making my way through the medical field

perfectflower's page activity

Visits<b>firefighter925</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 3:44pm<b>BL00DFLAME</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 2:52pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:06am<b>theawkwardlife</b> - the 02/16/2013 at 7:40pm<b>damnangie</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 10:49am<b>Kyot3</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 9:16am<b>LadyMagdalyn</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 6:16am<b>Sun_Kissed18</b> - the 02/04/2013 at 10:54pm<b>UberNova</b> - the 01/19/2013 at 10:26pm

perfectflower's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of perfectflower's badges

perfectflower's favorite FMLs

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

by Ren / 12/28/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

by Bouh / 12/26/2012 at 11:04pm / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

by dino0123 / 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2012 at 1:29pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

by Brooklyn / 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

by katier8295 / 10/27/2012 at 8:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous