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pencilsupmynose

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pencilsupmynose

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  • Number of visits : 2223
  • Number of comments : 48
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Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

#16676970
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33671) - you deserved it (7886)

On 06/15/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by Seriously (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

#16673731
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15346) - you deserved it (33521)

On 06/15/2011 at 5:02am - health - by Alec - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12637) - you deserved it (57880)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

#16616782
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44195) - you deserved it (3631)

On 06/11/2011 at 8:54pm - misc - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

#16611980
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39672) - you deserved it (5001)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

#15427360
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57369) - you deserved it (6220)

On 03/22/2011 at 3:23am - animals - by negin -

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34682) - you deserved it (48653)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

#15401904
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45316) - you deserved it (9578)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

#15333405
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19381) - you deserved it (88687)

On 03/16/2011 at 3:31am - intimacy - by eric - United States

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

#15133250
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25318) - you deserved it (2927)

On 02/27/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

#14533533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27951) - you deserved it (3837)

On 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

#14510501
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (2435)

On 01/08/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

#14505215
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (3779)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

#14504771
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21906) - you deserved it (40147)

On 01/08/2011 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

#14500845
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25477) - you deserved it (3683)

On 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm - work - by poop (man) - United States (Missouri)



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