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paulhawkes's favorite FMLs
by kitkat1603 / 06/16/2010 at 7:32am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy
Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML
by pinky / 02/12/2010 at 12:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML
by Dopeydancer / 09/08/2009 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Money
Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2009 at 6:42am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML
by xo_lezz / 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
by janedoe / 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…