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  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • Work is a 4-letter word

    Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.
  • Mobility

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  • Socialite

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  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    0%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    1%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    33%
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
    88%
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
    15%
  • Judgmental

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    76%
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
    14%
  • 50 quality comments

    Clicking to reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried afterwards is even worthier.
    8%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    2%
  • 100 kick-ass comments

    100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
    23%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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Paulhawkes's favorite FMLs

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

By janedoe - / Thursday 12 February 2009 22:21 / United States

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

By pinky - / Friday 12 February 2010 05:13 / Australia

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

By Dopeydancer - / Tuesday 8 September 2009 13:12 / United Kingdom

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 30 April 2009 16:54 / United States

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 18 April 2009 10:42 / United States