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patchyu

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patchyu

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1322
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48662) - you deserved it (4422)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (4984)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

#21123459
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40747) - you deserved it (4150)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:39pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54699) - you deserved it (25482)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40446) - you deserved it (16920)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

#21122867
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49806) - you deserved it (9950)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (3541)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
107 comments

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48517) - you deserved it (7066)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

#21112602
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43042) - you deserved it (5446)

On 04/14/2014 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49745) - you deserved it (4847)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

#21108356
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42980) - you deserved it (3246)

On 04/09/2014 at 8:37am - misc - by not_this_shit_again (man) - Singapore

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44944) - you deserved it (3147)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44463) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39021) - you deserved it (6210)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)



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