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patchyu's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by nazirah4shizzle / 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML
by Basically_ / 05/11/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML
by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
by that one anon / 05/07/2015 at 2:27am / United States (California) / Love
by Malíya / 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by umyuck / 05/03/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML
by RavingLunatic / 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by why? / 05/01/2015 at 9:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Winxy / 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Intimacy
by fuck you / 04/26/2015 at 4:19am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…