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patchyu's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by nazirah4shizzle / 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML
by Basically_ / 05/11/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML
by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
by that one anon / 05/07/2015 at 2:27am / United States (California) / Love
by Malíya / 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by umyuck / 05/03/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML
by RavingLunatic / 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by why? / 05/01/2015 at 9:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Winxy / 04/29/2015 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Intimacy
by fuck you / 04/26/2015 at 4:19am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…