patchyu

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Offline (the 12/31/2015 at 5:21am)

patchyu

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2822
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

by imblue42 / 06/24/2015 at 1:16am / United States / Love

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

by bootyislife / 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2015 at 12:21am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Intimacy

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 6:15am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

by idonthavereligion / 05/29/2015 at 12:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

by MarieAmber18 / 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

by concom / 05/27/2015 at 3:40pm / Cyprus / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

by homo fuckofftus / 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

by zzarzzur / 05/22/2015 at 2:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy