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patchyu's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by imblue42 / 06/24/2015 at 1:16am / United States / Love
by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by bootyislife / 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/07/2015 at 12:21am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 6:15am / United States (Indiana) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by idonthavereligion / 05/29/2015 at 12:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by MarieAmber18 / 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by concom / 05/27/2015 at 3:40pm / Cyprus / Miscellaneous
Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids
Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML
by homo fuckofftus / 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by zzarzzur / 05/22/2015 at 2:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…