Search for a member

Offline (the 12/31/2015 at 5:21am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2935
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

patchyu's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of patchyu's badges

patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

by fuck / 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

by fishingforubies2 / 07/24/2015 at 10:02am / Aruba / Work

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

by padthaimeanoose / 07/18/2015 at 11:29pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

by anon / 07/17/2015 at 3:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 11:40am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML

by Steve97 / 07/13/2015 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 3:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

by okaydisarray / 07/03/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

by sickatwokr / 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2015 at 3:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.