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patchyu

Offline (the 12/31/2015 at 5:21am) | Search for a member

patchyu

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2474
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

#21466295
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26357) - you deserved it (2808)

On 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Mrs. Ned - United States (Nevada)

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

#21466251
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26471) - you deserved it (7156)

On 09/08/2015 at 8:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

#21464487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25579) - you deserved it (2987)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:58am - intimacy - by natalyV (woman) -

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

#21463909
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (1627)

On 09/02/2015 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

#21463837
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26097) - you deserved it (2102)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Hooty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

#21463826
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23463) - you deserved it (1500)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm - health - by freakingout (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

#21462595
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (2091)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by FranchezDeVista (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29816) - you deserved it (2773)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (1958)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24396) - you deserved it (1453)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

#21460833
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24686) - you deserved it (2692)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

#21460573
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28578) - you deserved it (3278)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

#21460430
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (8548)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Anon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20445) - you deserved it (8695)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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