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patchyu's favorite FMLs
Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML
by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:33pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
by Hooty / 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML
by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health
by FranchezDeVista / 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:28am / United States (California) / Love
by tkoester / 08/29/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 4:04am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
by Anon / 08/25/2015 at 6:10am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my… Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what… Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on…