Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

patchyu

Offline (yesterday at 7:10pm) | Search for a member

patchyu

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1164
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

patchyu's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of patchyu's badges

patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

#21214798
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48218) - you deserved it (3776)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

#21203678
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41821) - you deserved it (3809)

On 07/09/2014 at 3:26am - health - by Sun_Kissed18 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42422) - you deserved it (3379)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I complained to the train company online. I filled in information and added several photos as evidence. I only realised later that the photos I attached were nudes. FML

#21202786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (56462)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by anona (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

#21200980
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44337) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

#21199713
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46308) - you deserved it (14238)

On 07/05/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Rowansgonnarow -

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48075) - you deserved it (3506)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52032) - you deserved it (4729)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

#21188342
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39554) - you deserved it (5278)

On 06/25/2014 at 7:38pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49299) - you deserved it (5490)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57412) - you deserved it (7984)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

#21184110
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45482) - you deserved it (3524)

On 06/22/2014 at 11:10am - misc - by paywithpoop - United States

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56452) - you deserved it (3944)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: