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patchyu's favorite FMLs
Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML
by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:33pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
by Hooty / 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML
by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health
by FranchezDeVista / 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:28am / United States (California) / Love
by tkoester / 08/29/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 4:04am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
by Anon / 08/25/2015 at 6:10am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous