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patchyu's favorite FMLs
by JGarz / 10/10/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML
by T-Bear / 10/07/2015 at 11:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by FacePalmPower / 10/03/2015 at 6:59pm / United States / Animals
by Till We Pass Out / 10/03/2015 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Calderdale) / Health
by strayy / 09/30/2015 at 2:47am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML
by itsbeenalongday / 09/27/2015 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 11:48am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by M / 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Intimacy
by shitfaced / 09/18/2015 at 1:30pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
by auraya1985 / 09/12/2015 at 5:34pm / United Kingdom / Kids
- Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date,… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…