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patchyu's favorite FMLs
by Anonymouse / 11/06/2015 at 9:03pm / Health
Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML
by cutsiecurliee / 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML
by Anonymous / 11/02/2015 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by GonnaLockUpMySpices / 10/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by MyLegsHurt / 10/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 12:10am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Walter / 10/23/2015 at 11:17pm / Spain / Intimacy
by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML
by bluebelle / 10/19/2015 at 7:10am / Australia / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 10:23am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite me at work. In theory, I was going to start a game of footsie with him. In practice, I screwed up and managed to yank his computer's power cable out. He lost his unsaved work. FML
by Namaslayed / 10/16/2015 at 2:04pm / India (Maharashtra) / Work
by shavednipples / 10/11/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Health
- Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…