patchyu

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Offline (the 12/31/2015 at 5:21am)

patchyu

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2879
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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patchyu's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

by Anonymouse / 11/06/2015 at 9:03pm / Health

Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML

by cutsiecurliee / 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2015 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

by GonnaLockUpMySpices / 10/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

by MyLegsHurt / 10/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 12:10am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

by Walter / 10/23/2015 at 11:17pm / Spain / Intimacy

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

by neilmalik / 10/21/2015 at 7:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

by bluebelle / 10/19/2015 at 7:10am / Australia / Animals

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 10:23am / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite me at work. In theory, I was going to start a game of footsie with him. In practice, I screwed up and managed to yank his computer's power cable out. He lost his unsaved work. FML

by Namaslayed / 10/16/2015 at 2:04pm / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, my brother slapped me across the face with a piece of raw chicken for not liking his Instagram post. FML

by shavednipples / 10/11/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.