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oneforceone

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oneforceone
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1415
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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oneforceone's favorite FMLs

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20516) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

#19983789
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24467) - you deserved it (1862)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (7806)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

#19981666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20785) - you deserved it (2279)

On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

#19979933
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5314) - you deserved it (49428)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

#19979145
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22526) - you deserved it (16327)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

#19978365
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27322) - you deserved it (1846)

On 07/22/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by My_Name_Is_Zach -

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

#19976445
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3832) - you deserved it (36071)

On 07/22/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by fmyarse (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

#19972921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20160) - you deserved it (1184)

On 07/22/2012 at 2:54am - misc - by Raaaaage - United States (California)

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

#19971025
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (2725)

On 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm - health - by Luna - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#19967014
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18682) - you deserved it (3131)

On 07/21/2012 at 4:00am - kids - by It was the 11 year old - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

#19964691
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3374) - you deserved it (35087)

On 07/20/2012 at 5:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

#19962934
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16108) - you deserved it (23730)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18324) - you deserved it (4030)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (2758)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)



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