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oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 10:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML
by 12incher / 03/15/2009 at 12:45am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML
by MikeyPeters / 03/13/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
by SalonGirl / 03/10/2009 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Work
by goodbye / 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by drakx88 / 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML
by Shell / 03/05/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML
by hi / 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML
by stpry of my life / 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
by sammatthews2007 / 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by Lars / 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
by Noname / 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm / Japan (Fukuoka) / Health
Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML
by blck / 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…