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oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML
by Al / 08/05/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by andi0804 / 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML
by CzechMeOut / 08/04/2009 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
by 4yrldkicker / 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to buy lunch at a grocery store. The total was 3 pounds, and my card got rejected for insufficient funds. I fished about for change, and found I only had 2 pounds. A homeless man behind me in the queue then offered to give me the remaining pound. A homeless man paid my lunch. FML
by faentalivetmitt / 07/29/2009 at 10:24am / Norway (Oslo) / Money
Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML
by hugs511 / 07/25/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
by bbbkingsey / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
by Divorcemenow / 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Cococautly / 07/04/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML
by lifesmells / 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
by Steph / 06/21/2009 at 8:05am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML
by Bob / 06/20/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Kids