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oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML
by Al / 08/05/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by andi0804 / 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML
by CzechMeOut / 08/04/2009 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
by 4yrldkicker / 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to buy lunch at a grocery store. The total was 3 pounds, and my card got rejected for insufficient funds. I fished about for change, and found I only had 2 pounds. A homeless man behind me in the queue then offered to give me the remaining pound. A homeless man paid my lunch. FML
by faentalivetmitt / 07/29/2009 at 10:24am / Norway (Oslo) / Money
Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML
by hugs511 / 07/25/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
by bbbkingsey / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
by Divorcemenow / 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Cococautly / 07/04/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML
by lifesmells / 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
by Steph / 06/21/2009 at 8:05am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML
by Bob / 06/20/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…