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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 4:12am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML
by englishclasshigh / 09/10/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML
by Missy / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by JuicyJohn / 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML
by itsjustnotfair / 09/05/2009 at 2:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML
by ooops / 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air and thought to myself "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of my bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML
by MrMagicMan000 / 08/25/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML
by Boltz719 / 08/23/2009 at 1:10am / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML
by lifestinks / 08/22/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML
by ShockBait / 08/22/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML
by travinator121611 / 08/16/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML
by dumblond / 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
by Nick / 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
by guard35 / 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her… Today, my boyfriend called condoms the "biggest scam in history" and said I won't get pregnant if I…