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oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
by WasteOfTime / 11/01/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Transportation
Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by kierstin / 10/19/2009 at 11:54am / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML
by Helpy / 10/18/2009 at 12:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML
by Ndanick1193 / 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
by shoeaddiikt / 10/07/2009 at 3:48am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Painful / 10/05/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by P0wned / 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm / France (Bretagne) / Love
Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 10:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
by SnuggieOverload / 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML
by mnavy / 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML
by Heww / 09/28/2009 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Animals
by shouldagone2work / 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML
by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML