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onefinemess

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onefinemess

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 March 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 643
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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onefinemess's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

#17967494
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27379) - you deserved it (2480)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm - misc - by Lauren - United Kingdom

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

#17908235
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7512) - you deserved it (57991)

On 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

#17901380
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12282) - you deserved it (38805)

On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

#17861769
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9199) - you deserved it (20179)

On 09/29/2011 at 4:04am - work - by AngerManagement - United Kingdom

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

#17839732
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (3142)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

#17761729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25287) - you deserved it (4151)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:36am - kids - by applesmama - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML

#17734053
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28450) - you deserved it (2171)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

#17584361
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35647) - you deserved it (2672)

On 08/26/2011 at 7:09am - love - by j_babydoll6520 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

#17584076
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19551) - you deserved it (14591)

On 08/26/2011 at 5:09am - health - by goldengirl - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

#17583056
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33732) - you deserved it (8904)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:28am - love - by justmyluck - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

#17255469
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (7257)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm - misc - by ninja_blasphemer (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37115) - you deserved it (10690)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

#17174791
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52413) - you deserved it (6691)

On 07/19/2011 at 7:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

#17161191
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34787) - you deserved it (3676)

On 07/18/2011 at 9:08am - misc - by _TaToRtOt_ (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131560) - you deserved it (7340)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)



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