onefinemess

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onefinemess

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 March 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1033
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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onefinemess's page activity

Visits<b>LordlyFountain0</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 1:37pm<b>Mortoli</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 11:11am<b>cp399</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 11:03pm<b>Qmathmath</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 2:00am<b>Erewethwen</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 10:40am<b>weedle99</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 1:48am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 10/16/2013 at 5:21am<b>miyaviichan</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 2:46pm<b>AzureHeir</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 1:03am<b>ChaosBlitz</b> - the 05/07/2013 at 11:01pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 3:41pm<b>jesernoob</b> - the 12/31/2012 at 3:07am<b>TheRealFamilyGuy</b> - the 12/28/2012 at 2:52am<b>PandaLoverXD</b> - the 01/30/2012 at 9:49pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 12/07/2011 at 10:49pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 10/13/2011 at 10:14am<b>KirstyDragon</b> - the 10/04/2011 at 8:15pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 09/25/2011 at 6:00pm

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onefinemess's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

by Lauren / 10/12/2011 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

by danii / 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

by backtosquareone / 10/04/2011 at 1:22am / Asia/Pacific Region / Love

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm / United States / Work

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

by applesmama / 09/17/2011 at 12:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

by j_babydoll6520 / 08/26/2011 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

by goldengirl / 08/26/2011 at 5:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

by justmyluck / 08/26/2011 at 1:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 7:04am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

by _TaToRtOt_ / 07/18/2011 at 9:08am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy