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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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on_a_boat

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on_a_boat
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 43981
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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on_a_boat's favorite FMLs

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

#3663741 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (34449) - you deserved it (19556)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by jadakorn (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

#3475605 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (28931) - you deserved it (6772)

On 07/04/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by Peta2nNoMore (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1233)

I agree, your life sucks (31589) - you deserved it (473842)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

#2302795 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (55468) - you deserved it (5489)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:24am - intimacy - by Weezylover (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

#2209571 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (5642)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm - love - by Ames (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (13113) - you deserved it (42971)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493 (265)

I agree, your life sucks (50348) - you deserved it (5966)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

#2067937 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (60655) - you deserved it (2411)

On 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by KarlwithaK (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

#1839098 (157)

I agree, your life sucks (43702) - you deserved it (7277)

On 05/11/2009 at 8:38am - animals - by prevostsrocklike - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

#1815413 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (60699) - you deserved it (5969)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML

#1751488 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (60648) - you deserved it (16265)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (21075) - you deserved it (73919)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15214) - you deserved it (82664)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (14204) - you deserved it (43800)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was rollerblading in the university gardens and taking pictures. A worker started to yell at me, and I told him that I had perfect control and could stay on the sidewalk. As I turned to skate away, I faceplanted into a bed of prized rare flowers. FML

#1481817 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (5860) - you deserved it (41396)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by krizleykrislo - United States (Michigan)