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omqz10's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
by hatemylife / 07/19/2011 at 2:24am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
by JohnyP / 07/09/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by UhOh / 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays
by shit / 07/07/2011 at 3:43am / United States / Kids
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 6:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
by hero to zero / 07/04/2011 at 12:09pm / United States (New York) / Health
by oopsies / 07/04/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Animals
Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML
by Gustav Fjorder / 07/04/2011 at 3:27am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous
by beablue18 / 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
by RYZILLAHitZ / 06/29/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML
by Jenna / 06/29/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
- Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging… Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That… Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great…