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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
I agree, your life sucks (29053) - you deserved it (3211)
On 07/08/2011 at 1:23am - misc - by Yoda (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12516) - you deserved it (928)
On 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Jessica - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20950) - you deserved it (2031)
On 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by AgentFreshers (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18326) - you deserved it (8100)
On 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (4813)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12970) - you deserved it (56434)
On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58118) - you deserved it (7322)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10689) - you deserved it (51746)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33978) - you deserved it (4267)
On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36668) - you deserved it (5573)
On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20926) - you deserved it (3666)
On 03/25/2011 at 10:27pm - animals - by ouch -
Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42599) - you deserved it (2950)
On 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by tannerpaul -
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39961) - you deserved it (6220)
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13181) - you deserved it (22051)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by Cuzles (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27787) - you deserved it (3505)
On 03/23/2011 at 7:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States
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