Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

omfgshiz

Search for a member

omfgshiz

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 16 May 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 391
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About omfgshiz : Oh hai.

I like broccolis.

.__.

Kthxbai.

omfgshiz's page activity

Visits<b>xDochx</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 12:48am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 7:47pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 7:36pm<b>ladybug5546</b> - the 09/04/2013 at 4:27pm<b>Antonia583</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 5:54pm<b>Crowe_Dovahkiin</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 10:55pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 2:50pm<b>blackpuddle</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 10:08am

omfgshiz's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of omfgshiz's badges

omfgshiz's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

#20436439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28156) - you deserved it (8726)

On 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

#20431269
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44192) - you deserved it (3440)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:29am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26443) - you deserved it (10981)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

#19493868
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16802) - you deserved it (4006)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

#19489197
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23766) - you deserved it (5832)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

#19488517
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9273) - you deserved it (17804)

On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

#19486028
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37426) - you deserved it (3528)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22013) - you deserved it (3044)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19136) - you deserved it (36634)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

#19472995
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37627) - you deserved it (2734)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

#19465353
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (6657)

On 04/14/2012 at 7:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, as a medical student working in a hospital, I asked a patient if he had any questions for me or his physician. His only question: whether or not my breasts are real. FML

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
581 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13034) - you deserved it (53989) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

#19454762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23438) - you deserved it (2732)

On 04/12/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by crazydaughter - Egypt

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18217) - you deserved it (47341)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: