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omfgshiz's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML
by Fartfail / 04/18/2012 at 9:43am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy
by sigh / 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
by jonasister / 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 7:10am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
by falafalo / 04/14/2012 at 12:08am / United States / Work
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
by crazydaughter / 04/12/2012 at 8:51am / Egypt / Kids
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
- Today, someone left a can of scentless bugspray next to the stove, I greased a cake pan with it and… Today, as I was selling candles at the local farmer's market, the sky was clear, and it was empty… Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps…