About oliviaorourke : I love life.
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oliviaorourke's favorite FMLs
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML
by bellsucker / 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
by MAC. / 08/04/2012 at 5:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
by yeah okay then / 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Just Me / 07/26/2012 at 1:04am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by madmomma / 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by My_Name_Is_Zach / 07/22/2012 at 11:48pm / Miscellaneous
by Closingwild / 07/21/2012 at 2:18am / Mexico (Jalisco) / Miscellaneous
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Bernadette / 06/28/2012 at 3:58pm / Miscellaneous
by RatCityChick / 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I decided to put up the trash can in the bathroom because I was tired of the cat dumping it.… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, I had sex for the first time lying on a deck chair outside of a house party. Just as I reach…
- Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I had planned a pig eye dissection with my students. I didn’t think it was possible to have… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or…