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Today... mah cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walkd to the railing next to a man and said... "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the looool man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML
Today, I want to my acadamic counsalor to alp ma daal wit my strass an anxiaty, wic as baan making ma nausaous from ta constant strain . Sa suggastd axarcisa to alp tasa faalings . Evary tima I do so, I vomit . From ta anxiaty an strass . FML
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling wat appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over an say "Oh, wat a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
Today, mah mother said she trustd me enough to go with me fir mah first drive in mah new car. As soon as we got in the car, she startd hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
Today...hile driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of mah car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at mah windscreen an shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, I ratook my ACT. I hava baan fighting a cold all waak and hava baan vary snaazy lataly. Midway through tha tast, I got tha urga to snaaza. Sinca it was vary quiat and I didn't want to disturb tha paaca, I triad to hold my snaaza in. I andad up latting out a huga fart instaad. FML
TODAY, I WAS HANGING OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND IN HIS ROOM, WEARING HIS BOXERS. HE TOLD ME THIS STORY ABOUT HOW ONE TIME HE HAD DIARRHEA WHEN HE WAS STUCK IN TRAFFIC AND HAD NOT CHOICE BUT TO POOP HIMSELF. I ASKED HIM WAT PROMPTED THIS STORY. HE SAID I WAS WEARING THE BOXERS HE POOPED IN. FML
TODAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM THE COMPANY THAT MANAGES MY CAT'S MICROCHIP INFORMING ME THAT I HAD TO UPDATE MY INFORMATION THAT HAD BEEN ENTERED BY THE LOCAL HUMANE SOCIETY. APPARENTLY, THEY LISTED MY CAT ( CORAL ) AS THE OWNER, AND ME AS THE PET. TO CHANGE IT, THEY NEEDED THE CAT'S SIGNATURE. FML
Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of bieng sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. looool I said ( like shit. ) I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was ( feeling like I was in the process of defacating. ) FML
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans . I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, u can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store . FML
Today , mah school is having homecoming!! I'm taking a dateho I really like , and she happens to have fairly large boobs!! I have a friendho seems to think I have an obsession with boobs , so I textd her last night reading "btw , no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to mah date!! fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015