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ojosverdes26's favorite FMLs
by RC / 10/24/2009 at 10:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (California) / Health
by sore / 10/21/2009 at 4:27am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Ethan / 10/17/2009 at 7:13am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Transportation
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML
by Sneezy123 / 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
by APetsPet / 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by ew / 10/04/2009 at 11:41am / United States (New York) / Health
by Rizzle / 10/04/2009 at 3:50am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals
Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML
by rebel_rose / 09/25/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 11:20am / United States (Nebraska) / Love