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ojosverdes26's favorite FMLs
by sexyfail / 01/26/2010 at 3:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Chan / 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML
by ugly5402 / 01/06/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
by me / 01/05/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML
by eww657 / 12/16/2009 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest) / Love
Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML
by Araya / 11/17/2009 at 11:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
by crazylobster / 11/14/2009 at 11:52am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML
by Cellismasher / 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by ljd09 / 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by roadbikemama / 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…