About ohmandapants : I'm a generally open-minded person. I don't take shit from anyone but I'm friendly if you get on my good side. If you're on my bad side, chances are you're staying there. I'm pretty opinionated but can be pretty shy, depends who I'm with.
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Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54197) - you deserved it (2376)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)
Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30303) - you deserved it (15606)
On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55429) - you deserved it (4005)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25954) - you deserved it (9494)
On 08/01/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by special-ingredient (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51147) - you deserved it (2622)
On 08/01/2009 at 9:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9771) - you deserved it (54587)
On 07/06/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Seabiscuit (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49126) - you deserved it (6973)
On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45890) - you deserved it (1983)
On 06/21/2009 at 8:05am - intimacy - by Steph (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)
Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52219) - you deserved it (20567)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (47504)
On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17791) - you deserved it (45244)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (16653)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by way2gosam - United States (Louisiana)
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14174) - you deserved it (51752)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45890) - you deserved it (8245)
On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10497) - you deserved it (56244)
On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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