About ohmandapants : I'm a generally open-minded person. I don't take shit from anyone but I'm friendly if you get on my good side. If you're on my bad side, chances are you're staying there. I'm pretty opinionated but can be pretty shy, depends who I'm with.
ohmandapants's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
ohmandapants's favorite FMLs
Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML
by stagedivefail / 08/19/2009 at 10:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2009 at 1:06am / Kazakhstan (Almaty) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML
by special-ingredient / 08/01/2009 at 11:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
by Seabiscuit / 07/06/2009 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
by Steph / 06/21/2009 at 8:05am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Intimacy
by jinxofsocal / 06/21/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML
by jazzyfizzle / 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by whoahshloann / 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML
by way2gosam / 05/26/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by jrocks / 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Animals
by TayTay / 05/16/2009 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Love
- Today, I gave my dad whiplash. He was teaching me how to drive stick, and I let the clutch out too… Today, after choosing all classes that start after 11, so I could finally sleep in 'til 9 everyday,… Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third…