ohmandapants

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Offline (the 01/09/2015 at 7:32pm)

ohmandapants

25Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 July 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 7112
  • Number of comments : 1305
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About ohmandapants : I'm a generally open-minded person. I don't take shit from anyone but I'm friendly if you get on my good side. If you're on my bad side, chances are you're staying there. I'm pretty opinionated but can be pretty shy, depends who I'm with.

ohmandapants's page activity

Visits<b>alex_gen</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 12:15am<b>panda900</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 5:39pm<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:13pm<b>TexanZaros</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 1:43pm<b>nikkyt19</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 10:39pm<b>acp2002</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 1:17pm<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 5:12pm<b>Chibster</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 4:24pm<b>EDGE1095</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 3:26pm<b>Jakey_Ringo</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 1:59am<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 5:25pm<b>Srxjo</b> - the 07/18/2016 at 11:17am<b>ajk168</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 3:40am<b>Splandido</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 11:03pm<b>TheBlackMagister</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 6:55pm<b>Jacob031300</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 3:40pm<b>eyepuppy</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 6:57am<b>UPTDraco</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 2:23pm

Fucked!<b>alex_gen</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 6:15am<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 9:13pm<b>HarleyBlues</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 11:13pm<b>VoldooPed</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 2:27pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 12:14pm<b>bmckee196</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 4:30am<b>TacoTerrorist</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 2:46am<b>BlackHawkSavior</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 7:21am<b>bannannabrainz1</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 5:33am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 9:45am<b>paravoz</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 8:20am<b>imkool136</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 10:23pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 6:24pm<b>jjumprope</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 10:31pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 6:25am<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:06pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 9:03am<b>ekimen</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 11:16am

ohmandapants's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of ohmandapants's badges

ohmandapants's favorite FMLs

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

by cold-n-stinky / 01/12/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

by paidback / 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

by creeper / 09/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

by Phoellie / 08/28/2009 at 7:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Holidays

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

by Hellohaileyexoh / 08/27/2009 at 12:07am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

by urmommmm / 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 9:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous