About ohmandapants : I'm a generally open-minded person. I don't take shit from anyone but I'm friendly if you get on my good side. If you're on my bad side, chances are you're staying there. I'm pretty opinionated but can be pretty shy, depends who I'm with.
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ohmandapants's favorite FMLs
Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML
by Myself / 09/06/2010 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Sara246 / 08/19/2010 at 7:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML
by rosesareyellow / 07/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Alabama) / Geek
by megaladon / 06/28/2010 at 4:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML
by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by coltsfoot / 05/23/2010 at 5:08am / Norway (Ostfold) / Intimacy
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by StretchNuts / 03/11/2010 at 7:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML
by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML
by victoriassecret / 03/03/2010 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after ten minutes of squishing my boobs together for my boyfriend, trying to get him to stare, he glanced at them then blankly said "I've seen better tits on my mom, so baby just stop that" and smiled. FML
by oboy / 03/01/2010 at 12:13am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML
by Ennui / 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Nick / 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML
by Bruja5 / 02/07/2010 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…