About ohmandapants : I'm a generally open-minded person. I don't take shit from anyone but I'm friendly if you get on my good side. If you're on my bad side, chances are you're staying there. I'm pretty opinionated but can be pretty shy, depends who I'm with.
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ohmandapants's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
by Fucked / 01/24/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML
by damnbananas / 01/24/2011 at 3:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML
by ugh / 01/19/2011 at 2:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2011 at 6:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 7:29pm / Serbia / Health
Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML
Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML
by RevolutionLove / 12/10/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 3:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 9:37pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML
by lovegotmehung / 10/29/2010 at 12:48am / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 5:41am / United States (California) / Work
by Vinny1017 / 10/07/2010 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2010 at 12:27am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
- Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat,… Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can… Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I…