About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.
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nukeacat's favorite FMLs
by b3ardown23 / 09/06/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
by mommydearest / 09/04/2011 at 12:08pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Love
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
by Ceej / 07/30/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML
by rbeast / 07/21/2011 at 12:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 8:17pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health
by Ghettogirl4life / 07/12/2011 at 9:34am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by wronged / 07/08/2011 at 4:41am / Singapore / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML
by Gustav Fjorder / 07/04/2011 at 3:27am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML
by sadmother / 07/01/2011 at 7:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Golden~ / 06/01/2011 at 5:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML
by wtffireworks! / 05/25/2011 at 10:10pm / United States / Work
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation