Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

nukeacat

Search for a member

nukeacat
  • Town/Country : Oklahoma, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 9 August 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1524
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.

nukeacat's last visitors

El_MojiiitoCapt_Oblivioustralala453jaffviscmayerBrookieAnnmaddyharris97klaralynnilovedinosawersMarmarfarfar

nukeacat's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of nukeacat's badges

nukeacat's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

#19926554
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (1926)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML

#19925545
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (2124)

On 07/11/2012 at 10:40pm - misc - by jenA (woman) - United States

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

#19925066
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12859) - you deserved it (29794)

On 07/11/2012 at 8:02pm - money - by Ashley - United States (New York)

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

#19925066
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12859) - you deserved it (29794)

On 07/11/2012 at 8:02pm - money - by Ashley - United States (New York)

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

#19923012
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28594) - you deserved it (2480)

On 07/11/2012 at 9:29am - intimacy - by Sherry - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

#19921973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19100) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, and got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

#19921886
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30031) - you deserved it (2068)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:09am - love - by forgottenbday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

#19920201
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18556) - you deserved it (5341)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

#19919285
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24153) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27427) - you deserved it (1463)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12504) - you deserved it (23729)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12504) - you deserved it (23729)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

#19915541
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7553) - you deserved it (12670)

On 07/09/2012 at 5:26pm - work - by idiot - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

#19915477
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5141) - you deserved it (51447)

On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: