About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15133) - you deserved it (4173)
On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (2206)
On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)
Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26724) - you deserved it (1442)
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10548) - you deserved it (20829)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10548) - you deserved it (20829)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (12224)
On 07/09/2012 at 5:26pm - work - by idiot - United States
Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4068) - you deserved it (39400)
On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States
Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6034) - you deserved it (13504)
On 07/09/2012 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18775) - you deserved it (1308)
On 07/09/2012 at 2:25pm - health - by deadman (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14459) - you deserved it (7998)
On 07/09/2012 at 11:09am - love - by randomguy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4629) - you deserved it (26178) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13930) - you deserved it (4988)
On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (1265)
On 07/08/2012 at 2:58am - misc - by JadedBaker (woman) - United States
Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9412) - you deserved it (17902)
On 07/07/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by Ali - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16717) - you deserved it (4580)
On 07/07/2012 at 3:26am - misc - by sozzy - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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