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nukeacat

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nukeacat
  • Town/Country : Oklahoma, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 9 August 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1507
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.

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nukeacat's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21771) - you deserved it (5962)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

#19933310
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5288) - you deserved it (30371)

On 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by minaaaaajftw (man) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

#19933084
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20164) - you deserved it (1649)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:08pm - work - by fucking pissants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

#19932634
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22110) - you deserved it (2535)

On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

#19932233
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7976) - you deserved it (21016)

On 07/13/2012 at 11:19am - misc - by HellisLikeTheDMV (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

#19932203
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14045) - you deserved it (5213)

On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

#19931500
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21925) - you deserved it (1151)

On 07/13/2012 at 2:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

#19929882
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21440) - you deserved it (4573)

On 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by lostforlife - United States (Maine)

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

#19928978
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31156) - you deserved it (2626)

On 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by LetItRip - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

#19928719
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23899) - you deserved it (4020)

On 07/12/2012 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by lissysue1 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

#19928485
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22682) - you deserved it (2189)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm - work - by Ian Artis - United States

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

#19927975
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29652) - you deserved it (2710)

On 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by failure - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

#19927965
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8599) - you deserved it (25759)

On 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

#19927767
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11593) - you deserved it (21978)

On 07/12/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by hot coffee - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30682) - you deserved it (3891)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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