About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.
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nukeacat's favorite FMLs
Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML
by artdegreemyass / 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
by AussieG75 / 07/21/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
by great / 07/20/2012 at 6:20am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Kids
by Grrr / 07/20/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by cortanaisahobot / 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
by owwwww / 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML
by InsomniacToBe / 07/19/2012 at 11:55am / United States (Utah) / Love
by ThatGirl / 07/19/2012 at 11:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
by NoRingForMe / 07/18/2012 at 1:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2012 at 1:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by News-print Face Kate / 07/18/2012 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
by TimeForACareerChange / 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
by mustachio101 / 07/17/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…
- Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I… Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for… Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl…