About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.
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nukeacat's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML
by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 2:50am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML
by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace / 01/31/2013 at 6:34am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Miss Blairgowrie / 01/30/2013 at 2:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML
by j_Lauren / 01/27/2013 at 11:48pm / United States / Holidays
Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML
by fucking teen cunts / 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML
by strugglingartist / 01/26/2013 at 1:14am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by Ear Invasion / 01/26/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
by Sarah / 01/26/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This… Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is… Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis…