About nukeacat : Has had three open heart surgeries.
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nukeacat's favorite FMLs
by ? / 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
by Laila / 02/20/2013 at 7:01am / United States / Kids
Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML
by Sigh / 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation
by SchoolSucks / 02/19/2013 at 12:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML
by Lesser / 02/17/2013 at 3:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
by dadsadipshit / 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
by Acolyte of the Bacon God / 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML
by parentalissues / 02/15/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
by PurpleSloth / 02/15/2013 at 8:57am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML
by youmindyourownbusiness / 02/15/2013 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by lex / 02/14/2013 at 6:01am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked… Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water… Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter.…