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notme444

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notme444

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  • Number of visits : 137
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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notme444's page activity

Visits<b>cutycat136</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 5:43pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 04/01/2013 at 4:36pm

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notme444's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34774) - you deserved it (56649)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53046) - you deserved it (7910)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40692) - you deserved it (41274)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30980) - you deserved it (14712)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43600) - you deserved it (3268)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43251) - you deserved it (5249)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55275) - you deserved it (3688)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52359) - you deserved it (3292)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32510) - you deserved it (6325)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (7517)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
117 comments

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48430) - you deserved it (6171)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44603) - you deserved it (3271)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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