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Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56978) - you deserved it (4067)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56978) - you deserved it (4067)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177290) - you deserved it (61355)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35836) - you deserved it (3495)
On 02/16/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by IBleedArbor - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4671) - you deserved it (26041)
On 02/03/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by parishiltonsbff (man) - United States (California)
Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5428) - you deserved it (22433)
On 02/03/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by fuckedalready (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23335) - you deserved it (2602)
On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (1887)
On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25855) - you deserved it (1967)
On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9449) - you deserved it (15732)
On 01/31/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by joe - United States (California)
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19396) - you deserved it (894)
On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11457) - you deserved it (1742)
On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5245) - you deserved it (11498)
On 01/29/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by jalopenos - United Kingdom (Somerset)
Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10598) - you deserved it (10426)
On 01/23/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11180) - you deserved it (2616)
On 01/14/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Hungry - United States (Virginia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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