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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43727) - you deserved it (35558)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55747) - you deserved it (24214)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by Sal (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6129) - you deserved it (72286)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by noway6000 - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62965) - you deserved it (16303)
On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)
Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (56889)
On 03/03/2009 at 9:55am - work - by Peter80 (man) - Netherlands (Limburg)
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22340) - you deserved it (110390)
On 03/03/2009 at 1:29am - intimacy - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (5195)
On 03/02/2009 at 2:58pm - work - by kimosabe (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Monday 20 May 2013
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