Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ninjaCarebear

Search for a member

ninjaCarebear

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 9 July 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5981
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About ninjaCarebear : I made this account when I was about 11 so sorry for the horrible name. I'm on here quite a bit quietly voting in the shadows.

ninjaCarebear's page activity

Visits<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 10:00pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 1:48pm<b>BaconCat5</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 2:50am<b>FraserAlvisio</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 5:06am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 11:21am<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 8:13pm<b>tbro47</b> - the 03/01/2014 at 6:55pm<b>eatdaussy69lol</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 1:10am<b>REALAfroninga</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 6:59pm<b>junkman6</b> - the 01/02/2014 at 10:51am<b>MichellinMan</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 3:31pm<b>thechurro</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 2:40am<b>AliceLiddel</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 10:00pm<b>AlexRen</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 6:14pm<b>mFUNdo21</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 5:12pm<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 4:12pm<b>barneystinson45</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 2:17pm<b>fifcat</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 2:01pm

ninjaCarebear's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of ninjaCarebear's badges

ninjaCarebear's favorite FMLs

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

#21130490
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41264) - you deserved it (10500)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45227) - you deserved it (4736)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41590) - you deserved it (6663)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40179) - you deserved it (13080)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35659) - you deserved it (5226)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

#21098912
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (4288)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by notamum (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37085) - you deserved it (4734)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38429) - you deserved it (4765)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

#21081555
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42522) - you deserved it (4263)

On 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43872) - you deserved it (6309)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52469) - you deserved it (13366)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46040) - you deserved it (4123)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

#21068134
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50676) - you deserved it (9286)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: