Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ninjaCarebear

Search for a member

ninjaCarebear
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 July 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 4556
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About ninjaCarebear : I made this account when I was about 11 so sorry for the horrible name guys. I like playing sports, swimming, and riding horses. I'm a band teachers daughter so I play a few instruments like bass, guitar, piano, oboe, drums, and I used to play violin. On the track to learn many more. I'm on here quite a bit quietly voting in the shadows. I hope to be a psychiatrist or medical doctor when I'm older. I love school, art, and marching band. I love boating, riding ATVs, cars, and motorcycles. I have 10 chickens and hope to get fainting goats. okay that's enough.

ninjaCarebear's last visitors

Wizardoweveallbeentheretbro47REALAfroningajunkman6MichellinManWelshiteAliceLiddelAlexRenmFUNdo21

ninjaCarebear's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of ninjaCarebear's badges

ninjaCarebear's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37064) - you deserved it (5811)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (11807)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33789) - you deserved it (4918)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

#21098912
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37555) - you deserved it (4055)

On 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm - misc - by notamum (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35547) - you deserved it (4258)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36388) - you deserved it (4237)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

#21081555
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40983) - you deserved it (3838)

On 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41234) - you deserved it (5560)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50266) - you deserved it (12054)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42662) - you deserved it (3482)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

#21068134
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43681) - you deserved it (7351)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44212) - you deserved it (5976)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29685) - you deserved it (45290)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

#21057252
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37502) - you deserved it (21561)

On 02/11/2014 at 3:00pm - misc - by FUUUUCK (woman) - United Kingdom



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: