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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7281
  • Number of comments : 100
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About nikkipettyfer : 😈

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YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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nikkipettyfer's favorite FMLs

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML


I agree, your life sucks (40896) - you deserved it (5621)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41021) - you deserved it (4142)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53936) - you deserved it (7403)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML


I agree, your life sucks (57373) - you deserved it (7494)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52116) - you deserved it (9504)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53314) - you deserved it (4905)

On 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by puking now (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56735) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52398) - you deserved it (4958)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57153) - you deserved it (3230)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49508) - you deserved it (5476)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51528) - you deserved it (4836)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55329) - you deserved it (5751)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML


Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

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  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

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