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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6314
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About nikkipettyfer : 😈

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nikkipettyfer's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (5931)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (9062)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:32am - intimacy - by ihatejasonderulo - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39127) - you deserved it (38079)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (10754)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50639) - you deserved it (9211)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48038) - you deserved it (6811)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41352) - you deserved it (8877)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (8708)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49357) - you deserved it (21305)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54585) - you deserved it (6583)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43710) - you deserved it (22718)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

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