Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

nikkipettyfer

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

nikkipettyfer

320Fucked!

nikkipettyfer
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8023
  • Number of comments : 111
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 31 posted

About nikkipettyfer : 😈

nikkipettyfer's page activity

Visits<b>dno79</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 11:57pm<b>Adamjohn82</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 1:13pm<b>grace_olivia</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:16pm<b>Kah1on</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 11:07pm<b>edmunson</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 12:21pm<b>annihil8or</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 12:13pm<b>xstrumaticx</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 9:17am<b>Dep15</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:31pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 8:11am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 3:33am<b>Jesmassimo</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 2:42am<b>tranced_</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 2:24am<b>Elban</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 10:46pm<b>grigri75</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 8:37pm<b>tigerman65</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:38pm<b>Cumminsdan</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:11pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:02pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 3:54pm

Fucked!<b>annihil8or</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 6:13pm<b>Dep15</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 7:32pm<b>Jesmassimo</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 8:42am<b>A07</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 3:33pm<b>bc60moose</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 8:40am<b>newbiemalestr8</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 11:12pm<b>4Madden</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:36pm<b>Ebola</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 2:59pm<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 8:16am<b>EmperorChowilio</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 6:30pm<b>EnigmaticSoul</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 3:13pm<b>swharley</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 1:07pm<b>nour_a</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 7:12am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 6:28am<b>chrisseesyou</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 6:03am<b>CallMeWindSock</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 4:34am<b>stcsaints</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 2:44am<b>Berber260</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 2:38am

nikkipettyfer's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of nikkipettyfer's badges

nikkipettyfer's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

#21456098
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (2741)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21347) - you deserved it (10060)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

#21446059
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26263) - you deserved it (2697)

On 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Ma_Nikka (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

#21437094
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (2882)

On 07/05/2015 at 11:18pm - misc - by madisonnkelly - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31458) - you deserved it (4596)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

#21430015
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28736) - you deserved it (2633)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:26am - misc - by 1234 - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28279) - you deserved it (4100)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29033) - you deserved it (3524)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33484) - you deserved it (13989)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31955) - you deserved it (9231)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, I was on a boat and I thought I saw a towel fly off, but it was actually my fricken dog. FML

#21426414
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32820) - you deserved it (5147)

On 06/15/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by justin Bieber - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

#21425623
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25429) - you deserved it (3753)

On 06/13/2015 at 9:27pm - animals - by patient_mom - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31962) - you deserved it (4067)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

#21420967
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32955) - you deserved it (2536)

On 06/04/2015 at 11:01pm - misc - by jared576 -



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: